The first step

I didn't see it coming. I mean I should have....the writing has been on the wall, but I guess I just didn't read it. Will it be easy? Not Likely. But I think and more than that, hope, that it won't be as hard as in the past. I certainly hope so because I've tried my best to make sure of it. Barbed wire fence around my heart, mental blinders, a curious and keen mind, all safeguards in my attempt to not end up in my room for the next two weeks listening to city and colour's "bring me your love" on a non-stop loop, lol. Safeguards that for all intent and purposes have, for at least the time being, done their job. Now as the new year approaches, so does a very scary prospect, getting myself back out there and out of the shadow of what's really been a pipe dream in my own mind. Who's fault is that? No one's but my own. I barely got through the process last time and find myself three years older and struggling to comprehend what someone else might see in me, when I'm not sure of the same thing myself. How do I genuinely give my heart to someone new when it's pointed me towards someone else for so long. These are both tough questions no doubt, but questions with answers nonetheless. Answers that, while hard to formulate in my mind right now, need to be found in order for me to take the next step and move on to the next chapter.